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Joke of the Day

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe."

"10% luck... 20% skill 15% concentrated power of will 5% pleasure 50% pain 100% reason to remember *the game.*"

"[interview] Okay, don't let him know ur a vampire. ""What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?"" OH COME ON"

"Men and women stalk differently. Men will drive by at night. Women will show up at your job and smash your stuff in front of everyone."

"What do you get when you cross a cat and a wild boar? Revocation of your grant money and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee."

"LPT: If you ever find that your hard drive has been wiped, don't worry! Just call the NSA, they'll have have all your information backed up"

"Why did Joey fall of the swing? Because he doesn't have arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Joey."

"An average person has sex 300 times a year. The next 10 days are gonna be sick."

"A student is the only one in the school who can take retests... They say he is remarkable."

"Why did the Scot screw the sheep on the edge of a cliff? So it would push back."