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Joke of the Day
"I feel like a battery because I am not included in anything :("
Next Joke
"Why are female inmates bad at grammar? Because they have their period in the middle of their sentence."
"My daughter has recently become deathly afraid of our cat. So I'm going to have to get rid of her. At least I'll have my cat to comfort me."
"Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow."
"I'm not totally useless... I can be used as a bad example."
"My signature move, is pulling on a push only door, when attempting to get it for a woman."
"I DIDN'T SAFELY EJECT MY FLASH DRIVE AND NOW MY DOG IS DEAD"
"The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things."
"A guy barges into a psychiatrist's office, and screams... ""Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!"" The doctor calmly answers ""Pay me in advance"""
"Based on the Scotland vote results... It looks like the UK didn't get off Scot-free."