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Joke of the Day

"I feel like a battery because I am not included in anything :("

"How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them."

"Did you hear about the million dollar Dutch lottery? If you win, you get a dollar a year ... for a million years."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good."

"ME:John's coming over for dinner. WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John? JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England."

"There are three types of people in the world. Those that are good with numbers and those who are not."

"Someone asked me why my name isn't on the cover of my book. I explained that it's a practice of humility. ""Ahh, so why then is your name on the title page?"" ""I'm not that humble!"""

"Hey girl is your dad a terrorist cause...oh your dad works for Al-Qaeda? No, wait this is a pickup line. I'm sorry please don't cry."

"If Hillary wins in 2016, it's gonna be a huge year for shoulder pads"

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your vagina."