196812

Joke of the Day

"ME:John's coming over for dinner. WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John? JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England."

"Co-Worker: You say apparently a lot. Me: Yes, I know. CW: It really bothers me. M: Apparently so. CW: You don't care. M: Apparently not."

"While watching Hangover 2 the other day, I say to my friend, ""I wonder where they're going in the third one?"" ""Straight to DVD."""

"""...so when the plane crashed, we had to do the unthinkable to survive."" ""Eat human corpses?"" [flashback to eating quinoa] ""Y...yes."""

"A guy goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide The librarian looks at him and says, ""Fuck off, you won't return it!"""

"I accidentally shot my girlfriend on a hunting trip because I mistook her for a deer in an orange vest drinking a Diet Coke."

"A man walks into a library asking for a book... A man walks into a library asking for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian replies, ""Fuck off, you won't return it."""

"Free reddit! http://imgur.com/762fAPG FREE REDDIT!"

"My boyfriend cheated on me So I convinced him to get matching tattoos... he went first and I went home"

"Why did Cinderella get kicked off her soccer team? She kept running away from the ball."