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Joke of the Day

"*tries to quietly check the football score during a home invasion"

"How do you make exotic matter? By taking a shit in a rainforest!"

"I'm so sorry my pet rock attacked you. Its just he really hates arrogant douche bags. Thank god he only hit your face."

"What's black and yellow and doesn't float? A bulldozer."

"I just started my career as a shy rapist. It's touch and go."

"My wife's got that good at bonsai, we're having to move to a house with a smaller garden."

"What's in an Irish 7 course meal? A 6 pack and a potato."

"I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck."

"What's a KKK member's favorite car? A crossfire."

"I wanted to watch the inauguration today But Eisenhower late."