19191

Joke of the Day

"I wanted to watch the inauguration today But Eisenhower late."

"[at the pet store] Me: I'd like a baby lizard please [later at home] Me: isn't he cute? Wife [heavily pregnant]: I said a baby monitor"

"What did Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and Nelson Mandela all have in common? They're all criminals."

"What is a pedophile's favorite part of Christmas? Stalking stuffers."

"Why are redneck crimes so hard to solve... Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no dental records. . . . . Not original, I heard it on satellite radio yesterday."

"You shouldn't trust dermatologists. They make a lot of rash decisions."

"Our new IT guy moved here from Australia... He comes from a LAN down under."

"What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits' home? A search warren!"

"How do you stop a dog from jumping your leg? Pick it up and give it a blowjob."

"Yes, it might be the wrong word but at least it is spelled correctly - autocorrect"