215924

Joke of the Day

"I always feel an intense awkwardness when a woman doesn't choose the iron in a game of Monopoly."

"Woman: Ever since my mom passed, I think she's watching over me Mom's Ghost: Yeah, that is the kind of stupid thing you'd believe"

"Roughly 60% of my childhood was spent trying to do the crane kick after watching Karate Kid."

"Jared Fogle was guilty and got 16 years He was just grateful for anything under 18. Credit to SNL that joke might have converted me to watch."

"How do you spot an attention whore on reddit? Edit: Wow, I did not expect this to get so many upvotes!"

"ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet"

"Humour is what separates us from the animals. And the feminists."

"I was on TV last night When I'm drunk, I sleep anywhere."

"If Paula Deen's new cookbook isn't titled 'Fifty Shades of Gravy', I'm going to lose a considerable amount of money on the bet I just made."

"i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into $65,000 cash"