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Joke of the Day

"An Irishman, a Scotsman, and an amnesiac stumble drunkenly into the road. The Irishman nearly escapes a speeding car, but the Scotsman isn't so lucky, and gets hit by the car and dies."

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"""Just because you Can't dance, doesn't mean you Shouldn't dance."" Alcohol."
"I'm ready to be a dad. Of that, I'm sure. Wife: are you certain? Sure: yes."
"What do you call Will Smith's crying daughter? A weeping Willow."
"Alcohol is our worst enemy Good thing Jesus taught us all to love our enemies."
"5-year-old: Can I borrow a dollar? Me: You don't have a job. How will you pay me back? 5: Me: 5: I'll borrow another dollar."
"On a scale of 1 to 10 you can't even weigh yourself unless you are an infant or leprechaun or something."
"what's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Jesus? Jesus died a virgin."
"Facebook has a link to ""Report a Problem"" so I wrote ""I'm not very close with my father."" Now we wait I guess"
"If you call a group of lions a pride, and a group of crows a murder; what do you call a group of pedophiles? The British Parliament"