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Joke of the Day

"Twitter mobile app is still showing stars not hearts so I'm going to stay on here like those violinists at the end of Titanic."

"I like to shave my pubes... It helps reduce the wind resistance and makes me able to run faster. You haven't seen me on the news yet because I'm too fast."

"Max wondered why the ball was slowing growing larger.... and then it hit him."

"What did Tom hanks do in the woods? He took a forrest dump."

"What did one Spanish speaking white supremacist say to the other Spanish speaking white supremacist after eating a piece of delicious cake? Que queque!"

"What do you call someone who is not nice? Denice. (De-nice)"

"You can't even? That's odd."

"I'm certain my job is interfering with my drinking"

"What do you call a bear that swings both ways? Bi-polar"

"I've never panned for gold... But I have put bacon bits in my salad."