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Joke of the Day

"Twitter mobile app is still showing stars not hearts so I'm going to stay on here like those violinists at the end of Titanic."

"Me: smells like upyou'refreetogo in here. Cop: what's upyou'refreetogo? Me: *finger guns* catch ya later Cop: aww damn lol got me again"

"Why was the 1 year old Ethiopian boy crying? He was having a midlife crisis."

"What's the difference between a hockey player and my exgirlfriend? A hockey player will shower after 3 periods"

"Did you hear about the 3 car pileup in Tijuana? 28 people died"

"I'm against protesting... But I don't know how to show it."

"""Beat me."" said the masochist. ""No."" said the sadist."

"If alphabets were neo-feminists... x - ""Did you just assume my number"""

"Claiming that someone else's marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because you're on a diet."

"Funny one liner:what is mean by Assasination There is a girl in my office.she has a kickass ass. she kills me with her ass...hope now u know,how the word 'Assasination' came into existence.."