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Joke of the Day

"Max wondered why the ball was slowing growing larger.... and then it hit him."

"""Thanks for turning me into an expression of contempt. Sorry about making delicious nourishment so damned accessible."" -Low-hanging fruit"

"To smell good while aboard the ISS, astronauts wear ... Old Space."

"My poop very recently stopped being imaginary. Shit just got real."

"So apparently a neighborhood watch is not watching bad stuff happen to your neighbor's home & then taking a nap"

"The Chinese just announced their iPhone 5 ripoff... ...it's called the iPhoney."

"A muslim guy greeted his friend on an airplane. They were both detained. His friend named Jack."

"What My Girlfriend Thought, First four Dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. OK, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"I drink my alcohol responsibly...spilling is not an option"

"Someone tried to sell me a coffin today... I told them its the last thing I need."