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Joke of the Day

"When it comes to physically abusive relationships... They are hit or miss"

"*Spider exam: How to scare people out of their mind* Fly Breathe fire Sit still on the ceiling and mind your own business"

"What does a baby look like in a microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That's not funny!"

"LPT: If you need to remove your contact lenses after touching spicy peppers (Ghost, etc.) Leave the contacts in. I don't recommend going to the bathroom either."

"My wife said I don't do enough work around the house. Its like she thinks this FB account just runs itself.........smh"

"I've been told I'm not ambitious enough... If only there was an Olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."

"My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I ""ruined"" her birthday... ..I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fucking birthday."

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"""Choas Theory""-themed restaurant: Eating Disorder"