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Joke of the Day

"I can eat a rope and have it come out tied at the other end. . . I shit you knot"

"Ok, milk... Check! Potato salad... Check! Tomatoes... Check! ""Sir, can you wait for the total and just write one check please?"""

"So they've announced Taken 3..... So they've announced that they're making a Taken 3. I'm starting to think that Liam Neeson's very particular set of skills are a bit shit!"

"What does a blonde put behind her ears to look attractive? Her ankles."

"I don't know why they call them ""dog tranquilizers."" They seem to work just fine on people, too."

"The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old So you have to be 21 years old to drink, and 8 to summon the devil"

"Ann: I wanna break up Ed: why? A: you use time travel to manipulate me E: when, exactly, did you start to suspect this? A: well... Hey!"

"How do you call Anakin Skywalker's padawan after getting tased by enemy? A shocked Tano."

"What's the speed limit for sex? Sixty-eight. At 69 you have to turn around."

"What's red and orange and looks good on hipsters? Fire."