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Joke of the Day
"A girl's best asset is her lie' ability"
Next Joke
"I learned a lot of Mandarin in just one semester! Though I could have sworn the syllabus said ""Calculus 2""."
"A baby seal walks into a club.."
"What if we all do not exist and God is alone just imagining us?"
"What's the difference between a snowman on the toilet and O'Shea Jackson on the toilet? One is shitting ice cubes and the other is Ice Cube shitting."
"Zoo Keeper:""I've lost one of my elephants"" Other Zoo Keeper:""Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"" Zoo Keeper:""Don't be silly he can't read!"""
"nothing sucks more than someone ignoring your texts i mean maybe like getting stabbed to death but that's not much worse"
"I said this to my girlfriend today, she wasn't impressed Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm shit at poems, Now show me your tits."
"The AutoZone guy said my battery was out of juice but he didn't say which kind so I'm going with kiwi strawberry."
"Me: I haven't tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on... *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived."