215473

Joke of the Day

"My wife told me I don't have to wear a condom anymore.. Now I only have to wear one when we're having sex"

"I would tell you a joke about bins.. ..But it's rubbish."

"Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: I don't have any other feet.. Me: Fair enough."

"How do you kill a hipster? Push them into the mainstream and watch them tumblr"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school? It's okay...he woke up."

"What do you get when you cross a foot with cookware? Potato!"

"Why did Holden Caulfield hate his job at Sprint? He was surrounded by phone-ys!"

"How to catch a polar bear: Step 1: cut a hole in the ice. Step 2: set a can of peas opened and in front of it. Step 3: When the bear comes to take a pea kick it in the ice hole."

"I visited my friend in his flat He told me to make myself at home. So I kicked him out. I hate having visitors"

"Where does the president keep his armies? in his sleevies!!!"