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Joke of the Day

"Always leave a bad date by politely spilling your drink on the floor, and telling him your water broke."

"Way down on the bottom of the twitter user licensing agreement in tiny font it says ""Say goodbye to your family"""

"What was Boaz like before he got married? Ruthless."

"I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want"

"If someone won't lift a finger to call you, see you or spend time with you then it's time for you to lift five fingers and wave goodbye."

"When CNN says they're ""breaking news"" they are, in a sense, right."

"40-32/2=4! (-1)12 <3 Maths"

"what happens when you pop a cherry? she starts crying"

"What's another name for an parent? Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist."

"D'ya hear about the guy that drowned in a bowl of muesli? A currant pulled him under."