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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""Gee Thanks for spilling Cheerios all over the floor."" 3yo: ""You're welcome Mom, look at this!""*scatters more on floor I deserve that."

"New York Yankees sign Adrian Peterson They were looking for a good switch hitter"

"A woman runs into a panhandler on the street... Panhandler: ""Would you please spare me some change? I haven't eaten in three days.."" Woman: ""Well, you've gotta force yourself."""

"I don't trust this 'would you like cash back' bullshit. I'm trying to give you my money, but you're also trying to give me my money? Weird."

"Horrible one liner I'm trying to come up with a one liner. Shit."

"What do Dale Earnhardt and Adolf Hitler have in common? They both died before finishing a race."

"[rubs magic lamp] GENIE: You get 3 wishes ""Anything?"" GENIE: No wishin for more wishes ""I wish for more genies"" GENIE: I don't like you"

"Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit."

"What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes!"

"What do you call a kid that is afraid of the dark? Racist"