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Joke of the Day

"I don't trust this 'would you like cash back' bullshit. I'm trying to give you my money, but you're also trying to give me my money? Weird."

"I consider myself very decisive.. I guess."

"Is there as much intelligence disparity in other animals as humans? Does any cow make other cows go, ""That's the dumbest cow I've ever met""?"

"Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed."

"My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy"

"That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat..."

"I accidentally hit my head on a window today... It was paneful."

"Yoda: Clouded, your future is. Anakin: Are you smoking pot again? Yoda: Six cheeseburgers, I want."

"Surprise parties for Lindsey Lohan probably have that ""Intervention-y"" feeling at first."

"Say the best joke you have ever heard or made up."