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Joke of the Day

"My wife calls my penis Nicolas Cage It's highly temperamental and tends to go off for no reason at all."

"So I was walking down the street the other day, and saw this black guy... carrying a tv. At first I thought, ""Hey, that looks like mine!"" But then I remembered mine is at home shining my shoes."

"The grown up version of Tetris is loading a full dishwasher."

"Did you hear about the man who worked with horses his whole life? He had a stable job. I guess uh.. I'll just leave"

"A friend of mine wanted me to recommend a TV series that 'ends with a bang.' I told him he might like Cowboy Bebop."

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Scorpio's drink water when they're thirsty"" OMG THIS IS SO ME"

"What batteries do turtles use? Durashells"

"I think the 2016 Cubs would beat the 1908 Cubs. First, the 1908 Cubs are all dead. Second, the 2016 Cubs are all alive."

"Did you hear about the italian chef? He pasta way"

"Doctor Doctor you have to help me out! Certainly which way did you come in?"