215101

Joke of the Day

"If you lower your expectations, you can never be disappointed... Lower them too far, and you'll end up in line for the new iPhone."

"I want to meet the actors who get turned down to act in infomercials. Then I would ask them how their brother Alec Baldwin is doing."

"Lost my watch at a party... Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl. ^not ^^on ^^^my ^^^^watch."

"how can you tell..... how can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? when she sits on your face you can no longer hear the background music"

"A man driving a car hits a woman. Who's fault is it? TRICK QUESTION! Cars can't fit in the kitchen!"

"My biggest fear of Hurricane Sandy is that i'll lose power and can't Facebook"

"What's an Irish seven course meal? A six pack and a potato"

"I like the phrase ""I wasn't born yesterday"" because it emphasizes the fact that babies are stupid."

"What's the difference between a boomerang and my father? the boomerang came back ='("

"My doctor just gave me some good news about my prostate.... ...He gave me the thumbs up"