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Joke of the Day

"I want to meet the actors who get turned down to act in infomercials. Then I would ask them how their brother Alec Baldwin is doing."

"How to eliminate world hunger and unemployment at once? Let the hungry eat the unemployed."

"""In just 4 years, you can get a 4 year degree!"" Yes, ""university"" commercial--that math checks out."

"Does your camera know you've been using it to look like a whore?"

"My favorite kinds of people are sandwiches."

"My E! True Hollywood Story would just be me trying to open a soy sauce packet."

"*rubs magic lamp*rubs harder and faster*genie semen sprays everywhere*"

"In light of recent events... ...I believe Adrian Peterson should start playing Major League Baseball. He'd be a great *switch* hitter."

"Guy comes to my door and asks if I want to be a Jehovah's Witness I said, ""Hey man I didn't even see the accident"""

"What did the depressed, illiterate pepperoni slice say when asked where he was with his life? Well it pizza heck out of me."