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Joke of the Day

"Cop: You there! Hands over your head! Me: *raises hands* *30 avocados fall out of shirt* Cop: Holy guacamole!"

"You know what'd be an AMAZING prank for April Fool's Day, Reddit? If you could stay up for 24 hours straight :3"

"(For Star Wars nerds) What do baby Twi'leks wear when they eat fish? A Bib Fortuna"

"What can be said about a rich man who doesn't carry change with him? He's got more money than cents"

"Have you heard about the one-armed super hero? He single handedly stops crime."

"RRH: Grandma, what big eyes you have. And what big ears you have. And what big TEETH you have! Grandma: You're my least favorite grandchild"

"Silver and lead are sitting at a bar and gold walks in. Silver yells "" au, get outta here! """

"Spell check changed ""important"" to ""impotent"" so basically I have a meeting in the morning that can't get it up."

"What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor I'm sorry...."

"Why didn't the penguin close on his mortgage? He had cold feet."