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Joke of the Day

"Taught the 5yo to say ""totes magotes"" to annoy my husband who can't figure out why the kid keeps yelling, ""COACH MY GOATS, DAD!"" Nailed it."

"The US Presidential choice is now all about choosing between .... .....the one who was weak with E-mails and the one who was weak with Fe-males....!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA "

"Why are people still calling my phone I thought we covered this at orientation..."

"Did you see the gorgeous girl doing the taser demonstration? She was stunning."

"guess what? chicken but. lol"

"My lesbian neighbours gave me a Rolex for my birthday I'ts nice, but i think they misunderstood me when i said: i wanna watch"

"Me: ""Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean."" Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* ""Sorry, come again?"" Me: ""No, mustard."""

"""Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."" ""10 kilograms you say?"" ""Yeah, 5 kilograms"""

"Feminist are like sleeper agents Both have trigger words."

"Why did the black man go to the golf-club on Sunday afternoon? Because he had a membership."