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Joke of the Day

"Tis the season to kidnap a tree, hold it hostage, keep it from its family during the holidays, then leave it for dead."

"I'll admit it... I'm a horny TV And i'm turned on by remotes..."

"England's gonna have a rude awakening when they go to war and all their knights are actors and musicians."

"I was on a ride at a funfair. One minute I was laughing my head off. Next I felt angry. Then I just became very sad. Turns out I was on an emotional roller coaster."

"Do you like my new baby sister ? The stalk bought her. Hmm it looks as if the stalk dropped her on her head."

"Lawyer: do you watch people use the bathroom? Defendant: no Lawyer: spell ""ICUP"" Defendant: I-C-U-P Judge: *softly* omg Jury: *whispering*"

"I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly ""you are NOT the father"""

"Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what's in the bed and go to the fridge."

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today Should have cooked it on aloha teperature"

"I like to skip when I'm carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires."