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Joke of the Day

"There is no life on earth without water.nBecause without water, there is no coffee.nAnd without coffee, I'll kill you all."

"If a murderer wanted to lure me out of my room all he'd have to do is turn off my wifi cause sure as shit i'm gonna see why it aint working"

"Q: How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed? A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling."

"What do you call a dog who digs up ancient artifacts? A Barkeologist."

"I thought a drone was the sound women make when you're trying to watch the game?"

"""Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in"" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter"

"My sons kidnappers: if u ever want to see your son alive, press 1. Para Espanol marque dos Me: ugh i just want to speak to a real person"

"Whats the difference between boobs and batteries? If they're AA, at least batteries have something positive"

"Bernie Sanders again topped in campaign contributions with most of donations being small contributors... Leave it to a fuckin' jew to rob poor plebs of all their money!"

"Did you know that when a woman wears a bikini, 90% of the body is exposed? But men are so classy that they only stare at the 10% that's covered"