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Joke of the Day

"How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing? Asbestos he can. I'm so sorry."

"Women are like condoms... ...they spend too much time in your wallet and not enough time on your dick."

"I USED MY WIFE'S VOLUMIZING SHAMPOO AND NOW I CAN'T STOP YELLING!"

"If you have rectal cancer and it's treated with radiation therapy... Is that a Rem job?"

"What do you get when you divide 69 by 2? A lonely man's handjob."

"If you ever feel like you're bad at your job, remember At least you don't work in polling"

"Well, it's Inauguration Day in America.... It's gonna be a great mourning."

"Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do? Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."

"Nobody was healthier than my vegan, gluten-free friend Chad until the day that baby squirrel beat him to death."

"I've just been to a concert starring the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra. Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."