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Joke of the Day

"I've just been to a concert starring the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra. Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."

"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!! *holds up severed head The crowd stared in horror as the National Spelling Bee contest took a morbid twist."

"Sucks how Caesar died... ...Who knew he was allergic to knives?!"

"My bank called me for suspicious activity on my account & I was like ""no, I went out last night"""

"Spelling is very important in cosmetic surgery no one wants buttocks injected into their face"

"I was casually playing while my teammate wrote ""I fucked your mom last night"" I replied ""no you didn't"" Then my dad ran into my room and told me that he indeed did."

"ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas"

"Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!"

"What do you say to a woman with one black eye? Nothing, you've already told her."

"If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive then you should try swimming with sharks. Cost me an arm and a leg."