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Joke of the Day

"A friend told me this one. What's the difference between Windows 8.1 and Windows 10? The start menu."

"Shitting myself about this Ebola situation... Which is worrying, because that's one of the symptoms."

"I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me."

"Unlike most English people my girlfriend doesn't have bad teeth. She sold them."

"A year after marriage, wife complains to husband that he promised he would love her the same even after marriage... Husband says ""yeah, but I wasn't expecting to get married to you!"""

"evanescence - noun: the process of vanishing or fading out of sight, memory, or existence. So that's what happened. Great band name, guys."

"Gets pulled over. Cop: You know the left lane is just for passing. And you were driving in it for the past 3 miles without passing a single car. Me: Oh yeah I know, that's why we're passing the blunt."

"This fly I just killed in my apartment is more talented than every celebrity that tweets on this fucking site."

"Went to kill a spider with a rolled up newspaper and all it did was sit there and laugh at me for still reading a newspaper."

"I'm getting to the age where I could be a cougar, but Wikipedia says cougars are ""slender and agile"" which pretty much rules that out."