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Joke of the Day

"My eyes have been bugging me recently, so I went to the doctor. He told me I have ocular herpes. Apparently I've been looking for love in all the wrong places."

"Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life? A: Grade six."

"My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person."

"*Detective stands over murder victim* This looks like a case of... *Takes off sunglasses* *Removes contacts* *Brushes teeth* *Goes to bed*"

"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? The Rolling Stones sing ""Hey You! Get off of my cloud!"" A Scotsman shouts ""Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"""

"OMG you got a new boyfriend? congratulations, who is it this week?"

"Nurse walking down a hallway reaches into her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer... She says, ""Great, some asshole's got my pen."""

"What do you get when you have sex with an STD infested mentally challenged person? The slow clap"

"don't usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: ""lift with a straight back!"" it felt good"

"I am not a ""Grammar Nazi""... I prefer the term ""Alt-Write""."