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Joke of the Day

"My eyes have been bugging me recently, so I went to the doctor. He told me I have ocular herpes. Apparently I've been looking for love in all the wrong places."

"What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip"

"One time, at banned camp, I felt really excluded."

"JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go."

"I was in the world trade center and always wondered why planes get bigger and bigger as they get closer and closer. And than it hit me."

"What's a control freaks favorite macro? Control+U"

"Exchanging sexual favors for karma Humpvotes"

"i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck"

"Me and a North African girl spoke in her native language for hours... We just clicked"

"A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who's stressing you out."