213933

Joke of the Day

"When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say ""Are you ready to take this sh*t to a whole new level?"""

"*walks up to Michael Cohen's door* ""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Says."" ""Says who?"" ""THE POLLS. ALL OF THEM."""

"If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja."

"What's the difference between a fan and a prostitute One Blows air off you and the other blows air into you."

"I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"

"Priorities They say people have their best ideas in the shower. I'm mostly trying to remember to wash my face before I wash my ass."

"I'm on a version of the Paleo Diet where I eat anything I want knowing that my fossilized remains will be plenty thin in 2.5 million years."

"My car ran out of gas in a trailer park and now I have the most expensive home in the neighborhood."

"The prequel to 16 & Pregnant could be called ""15 & Fully Trusted By Her Parents to Make Good Decisions, We Love You Brittani."""

"What's the difference between herpes and friends? I don't have any friends."