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Joke of the Day

"When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say ""Are you ready to take this sh*t to a whole new level?"""

"This stupid farmers market doesn't have any locally grown pizza."

"Why did Chandler play the blues as loud as he could? He wanted to harm monica."

"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers, and says ""five beers, please"" If you get it you get it"

"What do you call a man with no shins? Toe-Knee"

"What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe."

"What is Al Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets"

"I beat a Prius today... Thank goodness I had on my running shoes."

"""yes I'm very good in bed"" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* ""Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"""

"What do you call someone having butt sex with Stephen Hawking? Ingenius"