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Joke of the Day

"I think my dog always follows me into the bathroom because I always follow her outside when she goes and she just thinks that's how it works"

Next Joke
 
"""Hey Cyclops are you still dating Jean?"" ""No Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..."" *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*"
"You've got to really be careful when ingesting shoes... cause they're usually laced"
"What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down a whore's throat."
"I bet M. Night Shyamalan was really good the first time he had sex, then terrible every time after."
"What's Chris Martin's favorite drink? Apple Martini"
"I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know"
"Call out to CAN_ZIGZAG: what do they call it when a mechanic frees up a stuck gearshift? Manumission"
"The chicken I just ate wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up."
"Why are boy scouts like human sacrifices in a cannibalistic society? Their motto is ""be prepared"""