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Joke of the Day

"Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside"

"Where do modern-day pirates come from? Somaaaaaarlia"

"a co-worker asked me if I was pregnant and I panicked and said yes so now I have to gradually gain like 30 pounds"

"Welcome to Applebee's! Can I take your order or do you need a few minutes to reflect on the mistakes you made in life that led you here?"

"[Restaurant] Me: I know in your profile it said you were small but I didn[my date falls into her soup]"

"Meet the parents"

"Yo mama's so fat she fell out of bed and caused the Great Depression. I'm so sorry for posting a Yo Mama."

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *Gag*"

"'Pop Goes The Weasel' is my favourite song about over-inflating your mammals."

"Something with high frequency hit me It really hertz"