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Joke of the Day

"Trainer: have you been sticking to your diet? Me: *tries to mumble yes but a chicken wing falls out of my mouth*"

"I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. ""How's it going?"", ""How about the weather?"", ""Where are your pants?""."

"What does The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common? Icy dead people"

"what's the difference between two dicks and a joke you don't look like you could take a joke"

"Just drove past a new typewriter repair shop... That's not a front for anything illegal I'm sure..."

"I must admit, my ""Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus"" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car."

"My boss wanted me to sign up for the company 401k. I told him, ""No way, do you have any idea how far that is?"""

"What's blue and white, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A fridge with a denim jacket on."

"Sorry I have been gone for the last two days, my son had a quick story to tell me"

"Men are like roses. But watch out for the pricks."