213514

Joke of the Day

"If I have to drive more than 5 minutes to find a Starbucks, I consider myself in a third-world location."

"I failed my chemistry lab exam. I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros."

"Whip me up, Before you Nae Nae Don't leave me hanging on like a Bae Bae"

"What did one lesbian vampire say the other? See ya next month ;)"

"It's not as exciting when you realize his name is actually Harold Potter"

"Boss: Why did you call off yesterday? Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now."

"Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes."

"What do you call 2 Chainz when he gets fat? 2 Chinz"

"I'm not saying she's a slut... But she's been banged more times than the first pipe on flappy bird"

"Me: If I have $45 and your mother has $15, how much money does your mom have? 6yo: $60 Me: That's correct, son."