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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the stolen shipment of viagra? Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals"

"My friend tells me he gets 20 times more bitches than me I told him: u get no bitches because 20*0=0 :("

"Maybe zombies just have shampoo in their eyes."

"Me: Ugh. Something I ate this morning didn't agree with me. [Inside my stomach] Chicken Quesadilla: ""The Notebook"" was an overrated film."

"First Caribou: Which bug gobbles up trash? Second Caribou: The litterbug."

"I think my wife is suffering from Bulimic Amnesia She keeps eating and eating and eating, and then forgetting to throw up"

"Aliens are in space right now watching all these movies where Tom Cruise defeats them, and they are laughing so hard one just peed a little."

"The closest I've ever come to winning anything was that time I got picked from a lineup at the station."

"I asked my 5yo not to do something, and he just smiled maniacally and nodded his head until I gave up. I'm going to try this on my wife."

"What kind of bagel can fly? A plane bagel!"