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Joke of the Day

"I think my wife is suffering from Bulimic Amnesia She keeps eating and eating and eating, and then forgetting to throw up"

"If you were a girl and your last name was Pelled your name would always be Miss. Pelled"

"What do you call a bunch of unicorns? A unicornucopia."

"[burglar gently waking me] you live like this?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't care now and I probably won't care later."

"Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed? He had a staff infection..."

"Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was out standing in his field"

"Beginning to worry that, on my deathbed, I'm going to be just lying there, refreshing twitter."

"Why do elephants drink so much? To forget"

"Have you ever noticed.... Political promises are usually in one year and out the other?"