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Joke of the Day

"Try this at the bars, guaranteed 18% success rate: You: Do you have a permit to carry that? Her: Carry what? You: DAT ASS! Then issue a citation with your phone # on it."

"What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke? The execution."

"What has four letters, but a long sentence? Rape."

"Either my 1 year old found the stash of markers or she head-butted a rainbow."

"First time posting here. I always found this f$%#ed up, but hilarious. Q: Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars? A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there? Me: Not Lucy."

"What's the difference between a homeless man's testicle and a shot of lidocaine in the ass? One is a bum nut and the other is a numb butt"

"King splits his kingdom to his three sons... Hell yeah, said the fourth..."

"Question: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him is he still wrong?"

"Center for Disease Control: overconsumption of beta-carotene linked to dangerous rise in pH of blood In other words, pumpkin spice lattes make you basic."

"What does a Jewish Princess think about during sex? What color to paint the ceiling."