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Joke of the Day
"My boss just asked me why I wasn't working.. ..i told em cuz I didn't see him coming"
Next Joke
"Me:OMG RYAN GOSLING DIED! Oh. His hair. He dyed his hair. Brown. Can U believe that was a story? Husband: I think it worked great. Me:Zip it"
"I reported my own accident on Waze Hence, the accident."
"the blue thumnbtacks on this map indicate concentrations of high (luna) energy, the red ones are all the panera breads ive been banned from"
"Autotune is the new 80s saxophone."
"What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year? Patty O'Furniture"
"Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were a kid? Cause i ran into him the other day and he was asking about you"
"What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common? The amount of lead put into black people. (It was funnier over the radio)"
"How does King Arthur take his pills? An African or European swallow"
"The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence."