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Joke of the Day
"Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer."
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"""Hmm, how can I look at her boobs but not look at her boobs?"" - Guy who invented sunglasses."
"So if something's not ""unique"" then it's just ""ique,"" right?"
"I've got to go guys. Yesterday I bought a new shampoo that's supposed to change my life."
"Haters gonna hate, thermometers gonna thermom"
"I'm on a new diet where I can only eat and drink things where I know what the ingredients mean. I can now tell you every ingredients use in Cheetos, how it's obtained, and the molecular structure."
"A man was found dead in a vat of falafel condiment. Police are treating it as a hummuscide."
"[girlfriend talking to me but I can't hear her over crunch of my cereal] ""I think we should see other people"" Yeah sure thing, babe"
"Always look both ways before crossing a woman."
"In a perfect world anyone that said they, ""literally died,"" would drop dead on the spot."