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Joke of the Day

"*bites into tuba sandwich and breaks teeth* damn autocorrect"

"""Decide you want it more than you're afraid of it"" -Bill Cosby Well, we all see where that got him."

"I always wanted to know what it felt like to blow $85k So today I stood in front of Annex Hall and asked the first art major I saw."

"Justin Bieber on the phone. Says he ""won't be coming back to the UK in a hurry"". Well played, Great Britain. Job done."

"I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park."

"50 mph winds here and I looked out the window and saw a package of Oreos fly by my house. At this rate, I will never have to leave for food."

"Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer."

"There were two old men... That were sitting on their porch, when a dog comes up and starts licking his dick. One old man said, ""I wish I could do that "" Then the other said, ""that dog would bite you."""

"Why do anarchists only drink herbal infusions? Because proper tea is theft."

"How many Redditors does it take to change a light bulb? 1000 One to change it and 999 to walk into the same room and change the same light bulb without checking to see if it needed changing first."