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Joke of the Day

"[my son threatens to run away after I take away his iPad] ""Here $60. It's all I have. Call if you need more."""

"I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon.... I want to see which one comes first."

"What do you call a mouse with cheese but no crackers? Cracka-lackin"

"Why do hippies like to swim way offshore? Cause it's far out, man"

"Why are women dressed white on their wedding day? because all good kitchen appliances come in white."

"A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Alright, I'll serve you, but don't start anything."""

"A gun is like my penis.... On cold lonely nights sometimes I stick the end of it in my mouth"

"Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster."

"What's the most popular pickup line at a gay bar? ""Hey, can I push your stool in?"""

"They should make condoms out of bubble wrap. *pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee-oh! *pop* That was fun!"