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Joke of the Day

"Well no wonder we haven't cured cancer yet. Our standard for the ""best medicine"" is laughter."

"What do you call two hobos hitting each other with cardboard? Pillow fight"

"This dude is using a pay phone , I guess someone got kidnapped"

"Aren't you glad you no longer have that ""Call Me Maybe"" song in your head? Oops. Sorry. #SoCallMeMaybe!"

"I feel bad for my Roomba, so every other day I vacuum while it sits on the couch watching TV and drinking beer."

"My friend's son wanted to be a ""Super-Pirate"" for his birthday... But after running against the door he discovered that even a ""Super-Pirate"" only needs one eyepatch"

"Why did the neckbeard become a doctor? He sure knows how to treat M'aladies"

"SON: *first word* momma. MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck* He never comes down our street."

"my anaconda don't want none unless you got snake food this time. last time u tried to feed him buns but the carbs are bad for him"

"A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him ""Do you have a criminal record?"" The British man replies ""I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."""