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Joke of the Day

"My thanks to Mexican Coke for sponsoring this week's weirdly tight pants. ""Mexican Coke: Porque tu pantalones deben ser dolorosos."""

"Simba - ""welcome to... The bone zone"" Nala - ""the what?"" Simba - ""elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard"""

"Which rapist was a famous mathematician? Bill cos(b)"

"Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage."

"""Long story short"" makes your story three words longer."

"My family and I are going camping for Memorial Weekend. I asked my mother if I could bring my trombone so I can practice, but she said no, because we might get ***banned.***"

"I lost 140 unwanted, useless, life-sucking pounds - in only 6 weeks! I got a divorce."

"I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone... One minute, a Kia. Next minute, Nokia."

"How many Sanders supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, they can't change anything."

"How did King George view the colonists? He thought they were revolting"