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Joke of the Day

"My family and I are going camping for Memorial Weekend. I asked my mother if I could bring my trombone so I can practice, but she said no, because we might get ***banned.***"

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"I ate five cans of alphabet soup..... I had the biggest vowel movement of my life."
"I saw Uranus from my dorm room last night... ...Next time close your Urcurtains."
"Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: ""sure"" -sent from my iPhone"
"confession: when my barber spins me around and hands me a mirror to check the back I just fake it. Who is even that coordinated?"
"What does a redneck Buddhist believe in? Reintarnation."
"Grand Theft Auto 6 just announced. Already criticized for displaying ""excessive and gratuitous violence towards pedestrians"". Apparently your character is just a normal on-duty cop."
"Someone -- always a man -- always asks ""does the ship run on generators?"" The Cruise Director usually tells them ""No we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."""
"I've never wanted a mansion. Not because I'm modest- I just don't need more places to lose my keys."
"The doctor says I'm depressed because I don't have enough iron in my diet so I've started nibbling on the gun in my mouth."