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Joke of the Day

"Do you know about the group of hipster sheep? Never mind, you haven't herd of them."

"I have a bumper sticker that says... ""Honk if you think I'm sexy."" Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself."

"Someone told me that wearing glasses would make me look smarter. No one told me you had to wear clothes too."

"Oops! I left the curtains open. Now my neighbors know what my junk looks like pressed up against the window with a flashlight aimed at it."

"Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get."

"How to cow tip: First, sneak up behind the cow. Next, get into a wide stance. Finally, slip the money into it's bell."

"Why are bananas never lonely? Because they hang around in bunches."

"Why did the scarecrow receive a prize? Because he was outstanding in his field."

"Relationships are a two way street navigated by women who are backseat drivers and men who refuse to use maps."

"A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery She says ""Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."" The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk."