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Joke of the Day

"How much...? How much dick could a dik-dik lick if a dik-dik could lick dick?"

"If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it."

"I think we should line up all the presidential candidates and see which one a dog doesn't bark at. That person should become president."

"This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it ""double bagged""...I said ""No, you're not THAT ugly..."" And that's why I'm not allowed in Target."

"Donkeys kill more people annually than airplane crashes so watch your ass."

"Two drums and a cymbal fall of a cliff... ...ba-dum chhhhhhhhhhh"

"How many Jews can you fit in a car? One hundred. Five and the rest in the ashtray. (An Austrian friend told me this joke.)"

"My wife agreed to a threesome with two girls. She was inexplicably livid when I told her she was neither."

"Never be ashamed of yourself. That's your parents job."

"I was in a gang once we used to carry pocket knives & wear all green with blood-red bandanas around our neck. Wait, that was Boy Scouts."