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Joke of the Day

"I have a vegan girlfriend... and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot"

"What did Uranium-238 say to Helium when they first met? IDK"

"Toddler in our bed last night; it was like sleeping with an octopus on meth."

"I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World. So I took them to our local fish market, saying, ""Shhhh... they're all asleep."""

"A friend asked me what's my best American impression... ""I don't want to go to the doctor because it's too expensive."""

"What did Saddam Hussein have in common with Little Miss Muffet? He also had Kurds in his way."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? The pilot, you racist!"

"A naked woman robbed a bank.. Nobody could remember her face."

"What should you take for stomach pain? A shit"

"Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized!"