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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."

"The jerk store called. Turns out they were just worried about me; hadn't seen me in a while. It was nice."

"Just once, wouldn't it be good to hear an athlete thank Natural Selection for his team's victory?"

"I don't eat cats and dogs. Dogs are cute and I'm allergic to cats. *my lawyer leans in and whispers in my ear* Cats are also cute."

"Have you heard about the internet couple that broke up? They just didn't click together anymore."

"Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage."

"Why are women such bad drivers? Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom."

"A great alternative to Tinder is entering every room screaming, ""Does anyone want to bang?!"" It also has more dignity."

"Doctor Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a book Doctor: So what's your story?"

"What does Santa Claus call his more thuggish elves? Gangsta wrappers!"