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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the two melons get married? Because they cantaloupe."

"I received some food stamps the other day They tasted terrible."

"*giraffe getting his daily coffee* G: usual grande mocha man Barista: gee that's a... G: *sigh* B:...tall order G: Christ, every goddam day Phil"

"What's the healthiest cuisine? Vitaminese food."

"I can't believe that... after all the times my girlfriend called me ""daddy"", she still didn't get me anything for Father's Day."

"Did you know: the human body is 60% water, 20% hair, 34% rope, 9% tubes, 12% earrings, 99% eyes, 13% jubjubs, 6% dingdongs, 100% crannies"

"My Mum saw me naked this morning Guess now she knows what she's getting for Christmas."

"How does a hacker speak with bread? He uses wheat speak."

"People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's a very obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."