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Joke of the Day

"You know you're an optimist... ...when your blood type is B+"

"What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween? Depressed"

"Why do tectonic plates wear diapers? Because they're in continents."

"A book just fell on my head. I've only got my shelf to blame."

"What is yellow and cant swim? An excavator. Why? It only has one arm."

"I just got a socially progressive phone... It has an LGBTQWERTY keyboard"

"Where do you find a quadriplegic? Where you last left him."

"Confucius say... French girl high maintenance. Chinese girl Lo Mein-tenance."

"What do you call a disabled cub scout? A nub scout."

"My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate."