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Joke of the Day
"Where do you find a quadriplegic? Where you last left him."
Next Joke
"*on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret"
"A woman walked into the sexual harassment and textiles store, she got felt."
"If you laid end-to-end all the plastic bottles an average family throws away in a year, you will have wasted a fuckton of time."
"Some guy told me he liked me, but he doesn't follow me on twitter so his opinion is invalid."
"Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her she's overreacting. She'll realize you're right and calm right down."
"So I was looking over a Jazz tune... My god...this song has more accidentals than an orphanage."
"Why did Tiger Woods stop winning golf tournaments? Because he stopped cheating"
"Why was Cleopatra so negative? Because she was queen of denial."
"Why can't the bike stand by itself? Because it was two-tired."