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Joke of the Day

"ME: can u pick me up in ur claws DRAGON: go AWAY dammit ME: can u just put me in ur mouth plsI wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail"

"Today is Compliment Someone Randomly Day. And may I just say that this paper bag would go beautifully with that outfit you're wearing."

"If she farts in front of your parents repeatedly just for the reaction then she's a keeper."

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince."

"Do these sweatpants and 5 extra pounds make me look like I'm in a relationship?"

"LIES! STOP THE LIES! -My reply to my husband whenever he tells me he's gonna ""repair that""."

"How would you describe the average bully? Mean."

"When is my wife's favorite day to make love? Tomorrow"

"What did the egg say to the hot water?"

"When did intentionally misspelling words become a thing? Kewl? Gurl? You know what I dig? Literacy."